Tuesday, June 5, 2018
Clay Center, Kansas –The fall of 1993 was one of the most difficult periods of my life.
I was a sophomore at a Christian college, studying for a career in ministry. I went through a valley that seemed to get deeper and darker as the weeks passed. The semester began with taking a Greek class, only to drop it after failing multiple exams. In relationships, I went through two break ups back to back. I also battled a strenuous relationship with my dad. In ministry, I felt like a failure as a young preacher and doubted my call as an evangelist. Consequently, with short notice, I canceled being the guest speaker at a week-long revival. Additionally, I resigned from leading a campus ministry. I turned inward, pulling away from people and activities into my own dark world.
One night, as I was lying on the bed in my dorm, I stared up at the ceiling with my mind racing. “How can I make it through this? What’s happening to me?” Thoughts of leaving school, the call to ministry and ending my life even flashed across my mind. Have you been there or know someone who is?
“Is my life worth living?” That is a question that can surface in times like this.
Your parents came together and you were born, but behind them is your ultimate Creator. It is said about Him, “God created man in his image. Male and female he created them” (Genesis 1:27). And when He made your life, He did so with value and purpose.
In one of the Ten Commandments God said, “Do not murder.” He said that because He values human life. Only humans were uniquely made in His image. As a result, He does not want you or someone else ending your life. And when He made you, He did so with purpose and meaning.
About all humanity, it is written, “. . . they should seek God, in the hope that they might feel their way toward him and find him. Yet, he is actually not far from each one of us” (Acts 17:27). You may feel alone, yet the God who made you is closer than you think.
I ended up making it out of my dark valley through the help of encouraging people, God’s invisible sustaining hand, and the truth of His Word, the Bible.
It was not easy reading or listening to the Scriptures, because they pointed out the problems that were causing my problems. Ouch! There is a reason you do not think life is worth living, so it is important to face the unvarnished truth, through the searchlight of God’s Word.
Take your eyes off yourself and away from your despair. Lift them toward God’s Son, Jesus. For He came from heaven to earth, to die on a cross and rise again--for you.
A prayer for you to pray–“Lord God, I wrestle with the thoughts of wondering if my life is worth living. I turn toward you, my Creator. Show me my purpose. I accept that I cannot do this anymore on my own. I turn from the wrong things I have done and call out to you for help. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”